Movie Producers Wanted: Country Corner Sequel

Excerpt from “Country Corner: Germ Warfare” — Based on the real-life humorous experiences at a neighborhood store in bustling Silicon Valley —

Beverly: Mike, do you have any flowers?

Mike: The only flour we have is the baking kind.

Howard: Say, someone was saying that the Corner has kosher sesame bars.

Mike: Yes, one for a buck or two for only two dollars.

More customers walk in the store; Katerina with dogs Wilma and Zero

Mike: Hello Daisy, where have you been?

Wilma and Zero: Ruff, Ruff, Howl, Ruff, Ruff, Howl, Ruff

Katerina: Wilma, chill out!

Daisy: Mike, can you help me find something?

Mike: Sure, the T.P. is down Aisle 4.

Daisy: No I was looking for something else. Like chicken maybe.

Mike: The chicken lips are back in the refrigerator.

Katerina: Jo Jo, why are you crying? There is no crying at the Country Corner.

JO JO: Mike won’t give me donuts.

Mike: You can look but don’t touch.  Put it back!

Ramona:  Jo, there is no crying inside the Corner.

Mike: Put it back! Don’t even think about it.(Laughter)

FADE IN – to Sissy who is singing her way into the store
Zero and Wilma are barking again.

Sissy: Mike, mind if I make more great coffee?

"Home Boys"

Mike

(Silence with a blank stare)

Zeke: After 6 PM it is a self-service deli.

Mike: Zeke, what are you going to do?

ZEKE: I was waiting around to get your wine and spirits order.

Mike: Tomorrow. Check with Bob in the morning.

Ramona: Katerina and Daisy, you want to hear about the new Super Bowl cocktails?

Katerina: Sure, I’m game.

Ramona: Imagine for Colt fans: Big Blue cream soda and orange-flavored Vodka with Florida orange and mint garnish; stirred not shaken.

Daisy: I’ll try one on Super Bowl Sunday but it sounds like a once in a lifetime cocktail.

Mike (To Groucho): Who you like? LaBron or Kobe?

Jo Jo

LaBron without a doubt.

Mike

Think about it.

Groucho

I know, Kobe!

Katerina

Ramona, what drink do you think for us Saints fans?

Ramona

Don’t you like Red Bull or Rock Star? Use it ice-cold over shaved ice with a generous amount of Agave Tequila.

Mike

Sounds dangerous.

Groucho

I know, LaBron.

Boz

Kobie is definitely better.

Jo Jo

Here comes Dudley. Let him settle this score.

Boz

Dudley, hey dude, what’s the score.

Dudley

Boz, you and Homer are favored this Friday and Saturday nights.Laughter

Mike

Wassup, Dudley?

Dudley

I got the fix in. The boys are going to run up the store this weekend.Laughter

MIke

Ike, what are you going to do?

Ike

I’m trying one of my brother Abraham’s electronic cigarettes.

Abraham

Oh, cool. You are watching the Suns and the Warriors.

mike

Who you like, Abraham?

Abraham

The Suns Nash, Stoudemire, and Hill are too much for Don Nelson’s warriors. Old Dukie Grant Hill is not over the hill yet.Laughter

Mike

Katerina, who you like?

Katerina

I like you at power forward.Laughter

JO JO

Power forward? What do you like the Magic’s Superman Dwight?

Mike

What do you think?

Groucho

I know who’s best. LeBron.Laughter

Dudley

Groucho, make up your mind.

Samson

Mike, you will give me a short-dog, please.

Mike

What are you going to do?

Samson

Just put it on the book.

Mike

What are you talking about. Come one Samson.Laughter

Samson

How do I get this dog off my leg?Laughter

Benny

I’ll take a pack of lights.

Mike

The light bulbs are down aisle 5.

Poindexter

Ah, we mean Marlboro and Camel Lights.

Mike

How old?

Benny

18.

Mike

What year?

Benny

1992.

Mike

I.D.?

Benny

Where did I put mine?

Mike

What, your name is Poindexter?Laughter

Mike

Ok, chill-lax. $13.00 here you go.

Jo Jo

Zeke, you see any Red Bull or cold Rock Star?

Zeke

Naw, I only know where the alcohol is.

Mike

Don’t touch it! Johnny, don’t even think about it. Put it back!

04             FADE OUT

Best Deli in the County (cheese is extra)

FADE IN – Day Shift – Customers standing around the check out

Nadia

Hi, Hawk! How is everything and your family?

Dr. Hawkeye

(Wearing very thick eyeglasses)So far we’re doing a good job avoiding this flu epidemic.

BOB

Hello, Doctor! What do you know?

Dr. Hawkeye

I read that research has revealed that diarrhea is hereditary.

BOB

What?!?

Dr. Hawkeye

Diarrhea runs in your jeans.Laughter

Nadia

Oh, I have heard enough. I’m going back to work in the deli.More Laughter

Pete

I recently read that scientists have discovered what is wrong with the brain. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side of the brain, there is nothing left.Laughter

BOB

Doctor, are you going to eat all those hard-boiled eggs?

Dr. Hawkeye

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.Laughter

Bob

I am almost envious. I received the results of my blood test last week.

Dr. Hawkeye

I drive so fast and dangerous that I do not worry about counting my cholesterol.Laughter

06             FADE IN – to behind the deli.

Carmen

Bob, Bob, that varmit got into the early morning bread delivery again!

07                         FADE IN – to the front of the store

Julio

You know, don’t you, that when everything is coming your way, your know you are in the wrong lane.Laughter

Carmen

Bob, Bob, are you going to put some rat poison out back tonight?

Bob

Wait, Carmen wait just a minute.
What are you saying?

Charlie

Have you heard about this kid that was mailing a Bible to a friend? He was asked at the post office if there was anything fragile, perishable, or breakable inside the package. The kid responded that the Ten Commandments were breakable.Laughter

Howard

Don’t you know that God answers knee-mail?

Dr. Hawkeye

You know, to B-1 is the best vitamin for a believer.

Bob

Don’t you think that since we were created with two ears and one mouth that God wants us to listen twice as hard?Laughter

Charlie

Doing God’s work may not pay much money but his retirement plan is out of this world!Laughter

FADE IN – Samson walks into the store and nearly bumps into Dr. Hawkeye as he leaves

Bob

Samson! How are you?

Samson

Oh, I could use a good laugh this morning. I feel miserable.

Bob

Do you know who the best comedian in the Bible was?

Samson

No, I cannot think of one.

Bob

Samson had to be the best comedian because he brought the house down.Laughter

Samson

Oh, funny. Now can I have my usual and go back to bed?

Bob

Here you go. Go easy and get some sound sleep to get over the flu.

FADE IN – Samson leaves and collides with Mo as he enters the store

Bob

Mo, where have you been?

Mo

I had to stop and pick up one of my dad’s cars.

Charlie

Mo, what do you young guys think? Do you think it is true than men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like?

Mo

Oh, ugly legs on a woman or man! That is gross!Laughter

FADE IN – Abbott walks in wearing shorts

Oscar

Oh, hello Abbott (wearing shorts). How are you?

Mo

Is it pretty chilly today?

Abbott

Naw, it’s all good. How are you, Oscar?

Bob

Have you noticed whenever you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal?

Dolly

Why was the number 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.

Julio

What does a music composer do after he passes away?

Abbott

I suppose he decomposes.

Julio

Oh man, all this laughter is splitting my gut. But my flu aches and pains went away for a couple minutes.

Stella

Do you know why the silly boy ate his homework?
Because he heard his teacher say that it was a piece of cake.

Bob

Oh that is wonderful. You kids have a great sense of humor.

Winston

Be easy on your teachers today with your funny pranks.

FADE IN – To Nadia back in the deli

Nadia

Hey, Bob! You should know something: Don’t take life so seriously. Nobody ever gets out alive anyway.

FADE OUT – Daytime Store Hours

Setting of this story: 2010. Picture with Teddy the Bulldog.

FADE IN – Night Shift – Jo Jo is picking up some donuts and candy

Mike: Don’t touch that!  (Laughter)

JO JO: I can handle this stuff.

Pedro: Good evening Mike.

Lisa: Mike, what time are you closing tonight?

Mike:  Nine-oh-nine and a half.

Pedro:  Good, I’ll take three tonight.
Thank you, Mike.

Mike:  Always a pleasure, Pedro.
Have a good night.
(pause)
Don’t even think of that!
Put it back!Laughter

Jo Jo: What are you thinking?

Oscar: I need to pick out a few groceries.

Samson:  What game are you guys watching?
I got a bundle on this game.(Laughter)

Benji:  What is the highest score you have ever bowled?

Gottlieb: What are you talking about?

Mike: Be nice.

Roscoe: Go get some fresh air, Gottlieb!

Jo Jo: Let’s go Sharks! Ah choo, Ah choo. Ah choo!

Benji: You are sneezing on the floor.

Sherlock:  Hey dudes, the Celtics are on TNT playing in The Forum.
It may be a preview of this year’s NBA Finals.

Robin: Do you know why some think basketball is a messy and gross sport?
Because of all the dribbling all over the floor.

Beverly:  Mike, do you have any flowers?

Laughter

============

copyright MMX – Max’s Scout Services / Country Corner

Advertisements

About Max's Scout Services and Communications of the Americas, LLC

WRITER / MANAGEMENT CONSULTANT / SPORTS FAN / HUMORIST/ FOOD CRITIC / HORSE AND DOG OWNER / CHRISTIAN / MEMBER OF THE COLORADO GREEN PARTY / ALOHA SPIRIT /

Posted on January 20, 2011, in D O G S, Humor. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: