Movie Producers Wanted: Country Corner Sequel
Excerpt from “Country Corner: Germ Warfare” — Based on the real-life humorous experiences at a neighborhood store in bustling Silicon Valley —
Beverly: Mike, do you have any flowers?
Mike: The only flour we have is the baking kind.
Howard: Say, someone was saying that the Corner has kosher sesame bars.
Mike: Yes, one for a buck or two for only two dollars.
More customers walk in the store; Katerina with dogs Wilma and Zero
Mike: Hello Daisy, where have you been?
Wilma and Zero: Ruff, Ruff, Howl, Ruff, Ruff, Howl, Ruff
Katerina: Wilma, chill out!
Daisy: Mike, can you help me find something?
Mike: Sure, the T.P. is down Aisle 4.
Daisy: No I was looking for something else. Like chicken maybe.
Mike: The chicken lips are back in the refrigerator.
Katerina: Jo Jo, why are you crying? There is no crying at the Country Corner.
JO JO: Mike won’t give me donuts.
Mike: You can look but don’t touch. Put it back!
Ramona: Jo, there is no crying inside the Corner.
Mike: Put it back! Don’t even think about it.(Laughter)
FADE IN – to Sissy who is singing her way into the store
Zero and Wilma are barking again.
Sissy: Mike, mind if I make more great coffee?
(Silence with a blank stare)
Zeke: After 6 PM it is a self-service deli.
Mike: Zeke, what are you going to do?
ZEKE: I was waiting around to get your wine and spirits order.
Mike: Tomorrow. Check with Bob in the morning.
Ramona: Katerina and Daisy, you want to hear about the new Super Bowl cocktails?
Katerina: Sure, I’m game.
Ramona: Imagine for Colt fans: Big Blue cream soda and orange-flavored Vodka with Florida orange and mint garnish; stirred not shaken.
Daisy: I’ll try one on Super Bowl Sunday but it sounds like a once in a lifetime cocktail.
Mike (To Groucho): Who you like? LaBron or Kobe?
LaBron without a doubt.
Think about it.
I know, Kobe!
Ramona, what drink do you think for us Saints fans?
Don’t you like Red Bull or Rock Star? Use it ice-cold over shaved ice with a generous amount of Agave Tequila.
I know, LaBron.
Kobie is definitely better.
Here comes Dudley. Let him settle this score.
Dudley, hey dude, what’s the score.
Boz, you and Homer are favored this Friday and Saturday nights.Laughter
I got the fix in. The boys are going to run up the store this weekend.Laughter
Ike, what are you going to do?
I’m trying one of my brother Abraham’s electronic cigarettes.
Oh, cool. You are watching the Suns and the Warriors.
Who you like, Abraham?
The Suns Nash, Stoudemire, and Hill are too much for Don Nelson’s warriors. Old Dukie Grant Hill is not over the hill yet.Laughter
Katerina, who you like?
I like you at power forward.Laughter
Power forward? What do you like the Magic’s Superman Dwight?
What do you think?
I know who’s best. LeBron.Laughter
Groucho, make up your mind.
Mike, you will give me a short-dog, please.
What are you going to do?
Just put it on the book.
What are you talking about. Come one Samson.Laughter
How do I get this dog off my leg?Laughter
I’ll take a pack of lights.
The light bulbs are down aisle 5.
Ah, we mean Marlboro and Camel Lights.
Where did I put mine?
What, your name is Poindexter?Laughter
Ok, chill-lax. $13.00 here you go.
Zeke, you see any Red Bull or cold Rock Star?
Naw, I only know where the alcohol is.
Don’t touch it! Johnny, don’t even think about it. Put it back!
04 FADE OUT
FADE IN – Day Shift – Customers standing around the check out
Hi, Hawk! How is everything and your family?
(Wearing very thick eyeglasses)So far we’re doing a good job avoiding this flu epidemic.
Hello, Doctor! What do you know?
I read that research has revealed that diarrhea is hereditary.
Diarrhea runs in your jeans.Laughter
Oh, I have heard enough. I’m going back to work in the deli.More Laughter
I recently read that scientists have discovered what is wrong with the brain. On the left side, there is nothing right, and on the right side of the brain, there is nothing left.Laughter
Doctor, are you going to eat all those hard-boiled eggs?
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.Laughter
I am almost envious. I received the results of my blood test last week.
I drive so fast and dangerous that I do not worry about counting my cholesterol.Laughter
06 FADE IN – to behind the deli.
Bob, Bob, that varmit got into the early morning bread delivery again!
07 FADE IN – to the front of the store
You know, don’t you, that when everything is coming your way, your know you are in the wrong lane.Laughter
Bob, Bob, are you going to put some rat poison out back tonight?
Wait, Carmen wait just a minute.
What are you saying?
Have you heard about this kid that was mailing a Bible to a friend? He was asked at the post office if there was anything fragile, perishable, or breakable inside the package. The kid responded that the Ten Commandments were breakable.Laughter
Don’t you know that God answers knee-mail?
You know, to B-1 is the best vitamin for a believer.
Don’t you think that since we were created with two ears and one mouth that God wants us to listen twice as hard?Laughter
Doing God’s work may not pay much money but his retirement plan is out of this world!Laughter
FADE IN – Samson walks into the store and nearly bumps into Dr. Hawkeye as he leaves
Samson! How are you?
Oh, I could use a good laugh this morning. I feel miserable.
Do you know who the best comedian in the Bible was?
No, I cannot think of one.
Samson had to be the best comedian because he brought the house down.Laughter
Oh, funny. Now can I have my usual and go back to bed?
Here you go. Go easy and get some sound sleep to get over the flu.
FADE IN – Samson leaves and collides with Mo as he enters the store
Mo, where have you been?
I had to stop and pick up one of my dad’s cars.
Mo, what do you young guys think? Do you think it is true than men can wear shorts no matter what their legs look like?
Oh, ugly legs on a woman or man! That is gross!Laughter
FADE IN – Abbott walks in wearing shorts
Oh, hello Abbott (wearing shorts). How are you?
Is it pretty chilly today?
Naw, it’s all good. How are you, Oscar?
Have you noticed whenever you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal?
Why was the number 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
What does a music composer do after he passes away?
I suppose he decomposes.
Oh man, all this laughter is splitting my gut. But my flu aches and pains went away for a couple minutes.
Do you know why the silly boy ate his homework?
Because he heard his teacher say that it was a piece of cake.
Oh that is wonderful. You kids have a great sense of humor.
Be easy on your teachers today with your funny pranks.
FADE IN – To Nadia back in the deli
Hey, Bob! You should know something: Don’t take life so seriously. Nobody ever gets out alive anyway.
FADE OUT – Daytime Store Hours
FADE IN – Night Shift – Jo Jo is picking up some donuts and candy
Mike: Don’t touch that! (Laughter)
JO JO: I can handle this stuff.
Pedro: Good evening Mike.
Lisa: Mike, what time are you closing tonight?
Mike: Nine-oh-nine and a half.
Pedro: Good, I’ll take three tonight.
Thank you, Mike.
Mike: Always a pleasure, Pedro.
Have a good night.
Don’t even think of that!
Put it back!Laughter
Jo Jo: What are you thinking?
Oscar: I need to pick out a few groceries.
Samson: What game are you guys watching?
I got a bundle on this game.(Laughter)
Benji: What is the highest score you have ever bowled?
Gottlieb: What are you talking about?
Mike: Be nice.
Roscoe: Go get some fresh air, Gottlieb!
Jo Jo: Let’s go Sharks! Ah choo, Ah choo. Ah choo!
Benji: You are sneezing on the floor.
Sherlock: Hey dudes, the Celtics are on TNT playing in The Forum.
It may be a preview of this year’s NBA Finals.
Robin: Do you know why some think basketball is a messy and gross sport?
Because of all the dribbling all over the floor.
Beverly: Mike, do you have any flowers?
copyright MMX – Max’s Scout Services / Country Corner