Opening of a New Situation-Comedy Pilot
1. Lead-In Music: The Beatles “Rocky Raccoon”
Locally, in San Mateo Country, California, the barometric pressure is right at 30.00. Locals still expect more rain and heavier rain beginning on Sunday. The socio-economic weather is in near critical condition. The state political system has been in a crisis-mode ever since Governor Gray Davis was elected. California is looking for a new governor and US senator and Max’s Scout Services may be moving out-of-state. Aloha!
This particular morning, about 125 men met at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church to study with leader Christopher Sturgeon, sing, and pray. Mark Chapters 14 and 15 speaks to us in profound way… Teddy and Buck left with the belief that the only thing that will fix the “Santa Maria” (the 32-foot Four Winds Hurricane MotorCoach with a Ford V-10 engine) is the love of Jesus Christ. We prayed that the bozos at Henry Curtis Ford of Petaluma, in Sonoma County, California, will get off their butts and replace the burned out motor with only 28,750 miles on it. Hey clowns, get the warranty work finished!
2. FADE IN – a grey and black squirrel running back and forth breaking into the boxes of donuts and bags of fresh sandwich rolls
3. FADE OUT – As three neighborhood dogs bark early in the morning the two squirrels run away each with a mouthful of bread or donuts
4. Lead-In Music: Beatles overture “Good Day Sunshine”
5. FADE IN – to Narrator
6. FADE OUT – with busy traffic of cars coming and going from the store
7. FADE IN – Front of the store
Jim-Bob: Morning, Bob, is the coffee ready yet?
Bob: Good morning! Yes we just have great coffee today.
How are you doing?
Jim-Bob: I also need to pick up six donuts for our work crew.
Bob: Will you take some chocolate, chewing tobacco, or milk with that?
8. FADE IN – In walk Julio and Winston and they begin singing Mr. Roger’s “What a beautiful day in the neighborhood…”
Winston: Buenos Dias, Bob!
Julio: Yep, here I am with “Gringo” again. Hi Bob, how is it going? I am amazed! The Silicon Valley commuter traffic is wonderfully slacking off today.
Winston: I wonder how many people got laid off last week? Let’s see what is running on CNBC-TV…
Bob: Oh, man-o-man!
PETE: How ‘ya doing, how ‘ya doing?
D.J.: Is that Obama’s economic or national security advisor on the tube?
BOB: That’s Tim Geithner.
The confirmed Secretary of the US Treasury.
Pete: What? Was he confirmed by a real bishop or mishandled by a priest or senator?Laughter
Nadia: It is too early in the day to start talking about politicians or that priest, now.
Bob: Let them talk.
Roscoe: I used to be an altar boy.
Winston: That explains everything! You poor boy.
Pete: I cannot speak for Buster, Nadia, but these men are harmless.
D.J.: Harmless?!? Look what is happening with the Treasury!
Carmen: Buenos Dias, Hermanos!
Why all the commotion? I heard you guys all the way from the street.
Nadia: Carmen let’s head back to the deli, so we don’t have to listen to all this.
Julio: Hey, we are just kvetching.
Carmen: Did you see Shlomo?
Winston: Oh, geez…time to buy gold, silver and copper and bury it in a secure place for safe keeping.
Leonid: Maybe you should get a second opinion.
Winston: I don’t need a second opinion, I already have one.
Leonid: Cough, cough, cough.
9. FADE IN – To Shlomo as in walk more regular customers
Shlomo: Hello, Bob. I have some interesting financial prospects. I am selling pork belly futures and buying…
Winston: Pork bellies?!? What in the world is a pork belly?
Leonid: Excuse me; I have some better investment ideas. Take the pharmaceutical industry. We should make a play now.
(Telephone rings 5 times)
Nadia: Bob, Bob, get the phone please!
Shlomo: Say do you guys know who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
Bob: Matthew the tax collector!
Shlomo: No, in the Old Testament it was Noah. Because he floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
BOB: (telephone rings) Hello, Country Corner?
No, no, we like our present phone carrier just fine. Good bye.
Vera, Vera, where have you been?
Vera: Just fighting traffic, again.
If I had a dime for every time another SUV pulled in front of me or cut me off, I’d be a millionaire.
JULIO: I would have guessed that the greatest financier was Pharaoh’s daughter because she picked up a “prophet” out of the Nile River.
Bob: But it is only 8 a.m.
10. FADE IN – In walk more customers
Abbott: Hi, Bob!
BOB: Good morning Abbott. How are you?
Julio: Isn’t it time to grab a 12-pack of Coors, Abbott?
Abbott: No I have two jobs to finish today first.
Prince: I think work is more enjoyable with beer.
Winston: Beer inspires and motivates me. Ya, really!
It probably would improve your creativity and quality.
11. FADE IN – Close up of Buster with Samson close behind
Buster: Good morning, men! Bob did you see who is out at the corner in front of your store?
Bob: Oh Lord have mercy. What is happening?
Samson: What’s happening is I am thirsty. May I have a small dog now please?
Buster: There is some Hare Krishna guy dressed in an orange gown soliciting donations from your customers and passersbys.
Bob: Sammy, take this. Don’t take it down at one seating.
Make it last.
12. FADE IN – Bob goes out to confront the Hare Krishna
BOB: Hey, I don’t want you standing in front of my store begging my customers. Please go away!
Krishna: I come in peace.
Bob: Scram in peace!
Donny: Hey, Bob, is that Hindu a friend of yours?
BOB: Naw, I just met the loony. I am just glad that he left his sacred Brahma bulls at home.
Vera: I have heard that Brahma meat is a delicacy eaten by the Taliban in Pakistan.
Donny: Imagine if they had bullfights in the streets of India!
(Teddy, the French Bulldog, chases Bob around the Country Corner store)
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