Daily Archives: November 19, 2011

BCS? Smee, See, Est! The Truly Top 40 Collegiate Football Rankings are the DMI

Dateline: Midnight Sunday, November 20, 2011

-No Pro, No Kidding American NCAA Gridiron Rankings by All Mic and No Ike-

     Although calculated by some geek’s software program, the BCS rankings are not available yet. Some conferences have been overrated all season. Ike and Mic believe teams with the best records should play for the championship since there is no playoff system.

     As of this Saturday, the ranks of American college football:

  1. L. S. U. Bengal Tigers (11-0)
  2. Houston Cougars (11-0)
  3. Alabama Crimson Tide (10-1) – next contest vs. #37 Auburn Tigers
  4. Stanford Cardinal (10-1) – next game in Palo Alto vs. #20 Notre Dame
  5. Oregon Ducks (10-2) – next is their state’s “Civil War Game”
  6. Boise State Broncos (9-1)
  7. Michigan Wolverines (10-2)
  8. Oklahoma Sooners (10-2)
  9. Oklahoma State Cowboys (10-2)
  10. Nebraska Cornhuskers (9-3)
  11. Wisconsin Badgers (10-2)
  12. Arkansas Razorbacks (10-2)
  13. Virginia Tech Hokies (10-2)
  14. Ped State Nittany Lions (9-2)
  15. Georgia Bulldogs (9-2)
  16. Kansas State Wildcats (9-2)
  17. South Carolina Gamecocks
  18. Clemson Tigers (9-3)
  19. Texas Longhorns
  20. Washington Huskies
  21. Notre Dame Fighting Irish
  22. Michigan State Spartans
  23. Virginia Cavaliers (8-3)
  24. Florida Gators (6-5)
  25. West Virginia Mountaineers
  26. Missouri Tigers
  27. USC Trojans (INELIGIBLE)
  28. TCU Horned Frogs
  29. Western Kentucky Hilltoppers
  30. Northwestern Wildcats
  31. Baylor Bears (7-3)
  32. Rutgers Scarlet Knights (8-3)
  33. Cincinnati Bearcats (7-3)
  34. Ohio Rivercats (8-3)
  35. Auburn Tigers (7-4)
  36. Florida State Seminoles (7-4)
  37. The Ohio State Buckeyes (INELIGIBLE)
  38. Iowa Hawkeyes
  39. Iowa State Cyclones
  40. Air Force Falcons


compiled by Max’s Scout Services

[ for  musement  only ]




(A)Live From Amtrak Trip to the University of Oregon in the Beaver State


(A) Live From Southern Oregon (pronounced or-uh-gun) We Are. 

Saturday. November 19, 2011 (5 DAYS UNTIL THANKSGIVING)

     Much like the Gilligan’s Island fictional story, my reality trip to the University of Oregon ended in minor tragedy. Akin to Gilligan three-hour cruise, Teddy and I planned a round trip twelve-hour Amtrak ride. We never made it to our Eugene destination and do not know whether we will ever return home.

     I ended up in the Sky Lakes Medical Center ER in Klamath Falls, Oregon, with some explosive shit and red blood. I don’t know how it all happened but the Amtrak conductor was mad and happy to throw me off the train (because I must have trashed two restrooms in cabs 12 and 13 with poop all over the walls) and not allow me to return to California the next day as planned.

     There was no time to talk about the quality of the multiple cups of Amtrak coffee they served me a few hours earlier. Not giving me any advance notice, the car attendant woke me up at 8:08 a.m. after the train had stopped in Klamath Falls and told me to get off but first clean up around my seat where I had vomited the night before.

     Not once but twice, I signed out of the hospital to leave only to return and end up spending the whole following weekend in Southern Oregon. this means rescheduling everything planned for and before Thanksgiving and missing the “Big Deal Game” – California Football Bears versus the previously undefeated Stanford Cardinal. The University of Oregon Ducks cleaned the Cardinal’s clock last Saturday in Palo Alto.

     We left Thursday AMA (against medical advice) partly because smoking is not allowed anywhere on their vast property – except for employees – and promises were made yet  (a) no psyche assessment nor (b) chaplain visit took place. On Friday we signed the waiver and departed AMA when, after the doctors kept us in bed in a private room all morning and afternoon, we were informed that the Director of Nurses and Infection Control Coordinator urged Administration to keep me but release my licensed, trained, and well-mannered French Bull service-assistance dog Teddy to a boarding kennel until I was discharged without AMA prejudice.

David & Teddy in Better Days Prior to December 2010

     The thought of staying in a cold cage all weekend does not appeal to either of us. Temperatures during the day around Klamath Lake have topped out at 38 degrees.

    Teddy has no choice but to take walks in the nightly freshly fallen snow. In America, dogs and humans have the freedom to determine where they sleep at night, what they eat, and when they catch a ride.

     I remember my days as a  safety and security coordinator or Risk Manager at UCSF and the Chinese Hospital in San Francisco, too. And then the five years with the California Department of Public Health become relevant and haunt me today.

     The best scenario is for doctors here to stick their head (of the scope) up my ass on Monday and fix the problems. were informed that the Director of Nurses and Infection Control Coordinator urged Administration to keep me but release Teddy to a boarding kennel until I was released.

     The thought of staying in a cold cage all weekend does not appeal to either of us. The daytime highs in Klamath have hovered around 40 degrees.

     The best scenario is for doctors here to stick their head up my ass on Monday. Fix the problem on Monday and release me on Monday. On Monday, Teddy and I can board the train and arrive in San Francisco about 9 a.m. the Tuesday before Thanksgiving.

     Another alternative is to die like my Mom did. In St. Joseph Medical Center following an abdominal surgery. After she was cut, an uncontrollable lethal infection spread shortly before her passing in 1994.

    Now with my Cat-skan, they can see infection throughout the large colon/intestine and decide to wait until anti-biotics work.

    A better scenario would be to dye and go to “dog heaven” with my Teddy than eat Thanksgiving turducket prepared by the hospital cafeteria. To eat alone a big holiday dinner with no other friends or family in a foreign, cold place would be a nightmare.

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