Fifty  is the New Thirty  – “Hey Babe, Hey Man, Look!” (first in a series)
Age is not just mindful. Learn how not to act so old. Even give up your hyphenated name.*
Fitting-in is no longer a matter of being hip.
Older folks can give away chronological age by using old-fashioned words, wearing odd clothing, ordering the wrong food, practicing past-contemporary pop culture, going on endlessly speaking about menopause and chronic illnesses, yelling into your cell phone, offering lame parenting advice, being bossy, and dancing to the wrong music.
It is time to quit fearing rap lyrics and the “F”, “B”, and “N” words, smokin’ weed rather than pot, blocking the aisles inside stores, refer to teachers that look like they are twelve, leave a novel on young folks’ voice mail, freak out when handling a remote control, think that a beer gut is normal, and rant like Andy Rooney.
Seniors should select words that don’t show how old you really are. Say “yay” and “thaynk kyeew” when good things happen. Know the difference between a brotha and a bro.
It is about time to learn to type with your thumbs on telephones.
Shrimp cocktail, Brunswick stew, and Sauerbraten are old-fashioned. Free range chicken, wild seafood, local organic greens, and mochi are now more like it.
Do you feel me? Do not be a durge.
If you do not want to act old, you have to behave as the young do – as if you are going to live forever.
Satran suggests that we not even consider the possibility of dying. There are at least seven uncool ways to die (e.g. Overdosing on anti-cholesterol meds or walking into a street and forgetting to cross it) and seven cool ways to die (if you must).*
It would be better to be:
- Trampled by a mob of crazed fans,
- Eaten by sharks while surfing one of the world’s most treacherous waves, or
- Throw self in front of a bus to save an innocent orphan.
This will give lifetime veterans all something to think about as we co-exist with youth in this imperfect world.
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Max’s Scout Services & Communication of the Americas, LLC
[ for musement only ]
*Information from Pamela Redmond Satran, author of How Not to Act Old, copyright 2009.